What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
