Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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