The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
