can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
