Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sponge bath it is.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
