Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
