You really coming over, don't trick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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