You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
