Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
