i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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