We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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