On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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