yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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