Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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