oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
