I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize