good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
