he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
