I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
