I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
