I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
