Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
