Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
