the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
