the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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