Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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