Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They took my balls.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
