when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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