i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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