If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
