You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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