It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
