Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
