my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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