Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this will be a night to untag.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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