but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
