Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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