omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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