I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
