so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
