he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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