thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
