I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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