i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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