no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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