my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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