i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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