Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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