when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
