I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
