I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
