i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
