You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
