Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
