Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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