This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
