I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
