I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
